Many Things on Mind
Well, ... wow! Thinking of that night needs taking a deep breath every time and yes.. "a sigh" that's what fits most, deep relatively-quick sigh. That night seemed to be too heavy, crowded with consecutive weird events that all packed to be unexpected! Huh! Just writing about it consumes my mind to remember the pictures, and it's nothing but so heavy quick video running and running in my head.
But it's okay, I'll put it all aside now, 'cause what I came here to write about was something so important to me I'd like to remember it later on. It was her, the talk happened, the walk, then the other talk later that night. for a while when I think about all that, it's wondering, amazing, and heavy!
Comparing Pictures of that night - about 2 days ago, in order to mark it on my calender and check it later- makes me stunned! How? When? and again, How?!
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"Weird, but good start"
The first talk was the one who got me to write. I'm sure about how I seriously shall act like, but if it went on, it'd be definitely different, totally but not completely. I still believe in my first impression about people, as long as it worked properly nearly perfect "believe your instincts".that's how things go with me and right it goes. so this is really confusing. I do wish it goes well, I won't be upset if my first impression here went wrong, 'cause really I need it to be, better for me a lot as things seemed to get busy with tasks and coincidences! so it won't be good if I still have the same impression. Yes, I wish it goes wrong this time, however I don't believe in so at all!
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And hmm, well the second one was like... hmm..confusing I'll name it
"Between Feeling guilty and snatching a moment of safety"
Ahh, no sighs would be enough, it's way deeper, way weirder, way beyond life matters. It was the struggle, that in deep me which once got up high pulling me away from this earth and it's billions worldliness mundane interests. That struggle which became a permanent companion, is hardening things a lot to me, however right great it is. When the second talk took place, it wasn't special, it was the most special one, and too dear to take place "Now"; at one of the hardest times any talk can talk place.
I was supposed to be over the moon with miles and miles, but no, my companion didn't let me to guest the happiness this time, only it passed the smiles and passed to be inside it the feeling of guilt. As if I went for the least after I reached the highest or nearer, went happy -or though I'd be- with little vanishing moments of mundane, while the noblest eras where waiting for me and I has just take some steps forward it. It was the struggle of "little apparently happiness but poor Now, or everlasting real happiness and rich but Later?"
I know, I shouldn't break the rules, but it was peaceful, not deep as I used to be when I apply the rules, but it's the human inside, she misses and snatches here like entering warm room for moments while whole day and night you're out in the freezing cold, however that cold brings inner warm, but it's human nature..
Ahhh, never going it to work that way, and yes, it widens spaces not the opposite, as it's against my magical bottle of ink spells. Help me Lord and Forgive me. You're the One.
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