*100* Heavy as Mountains .. Fragile as Glass

The 100th post comes with one special event.. having the most heavy gift, most fragile, most valuable  and -as my friend said- a dangerous one... "Trust"!

Truly, Trust .. is The most marvelous burden ..

Winning one's trust is a matter, and having a confession that you won it is a totally different matter
and when Trust is one's most valuable thing, and when you are aware of that, so when you are given it, it's like you've been given one's best gift =) It's the happy burden indeed =')

Can't explain much.. but it's breathless -literally- over here.. raised heartbeats.. adrenaline rush.. putting myself in your shoe makes my worry become more than ever.. it's.. hard, on you, and that makes it harder on me, but I Promise You since this very moment I'll Never let you down =) 

Sincerely Grateful 

*98* #SelfTalks : What then!

So What is that? You know what am talking exactly about! So what it is that?
Is it just like many other things? is it just another challenge which was not exactly a challenge but with time became.. a challenge.. well no, it became i don't even know what's the proper word to describe how I feel towards the whole thing! All i know right now is, regardless the whole thing is wrong and you, myself, is being drugged while you deal with the whole matter, but dear, it's not only that view that matters, cause I tried hard to get things right and failed once and twice and trice .. so. maybe i shall give it a shot and think of it the other way..
and the Question is WHY! and HOW!

why you? why now? why i feel that way? why i get replying signs on my calls while i totally have no idea behind the reasons of those calls! It's just.. happened!
I missed how to feel some feelings, some pretty time ago, i skipped them and ran away not to get stuck at its vortex, and now... they're back with new look! they are back unexpectedly! they are back against all my inner mental logic and all basis of my own! .. happened at the wrong time, at the very wrong time! and i truly dont want things to go on, they're already out lines ..

fine, why i dont feel the "outline" thing when it's on air? lol this is crazy.. i got always those two contradicted voices in my head, but sometimes it's like I hit sometimes one of them so i can have some inner peace for sometimes, but what then? it's healed and returns all the BUZZ again, and i know it's the straight-forward voice of mine so i dont return hitting it.. i only let myself being driven mad!
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We .. you .. i .. i know it's not only my head which is being driven crazy, the over-thinking is mutual dear! but what then? I need to figure out the case, being happy at the wrong time with the wrong people is just deeply complicated, however we're acting cool as.. snow! with no known direction or magnitude, with no boarders, no drawing lines, with no start or known end.. but it must get to an end one day.. i mean, isn't it life anyway? whether we like it or not, it has its own rules, so how we shall play the game? how shall we break the rules this time and keep it smart?

No regrets, but am afraid, and this time is .. serious